amiable_cat

Got a new / old computer today, a three-ish year old Thinkpad T42 for $250. It's a nice computer I intend to use mostly for writing purposes, and a little bit of internetting, as most of Allen and my's day was consisting of him on the Macbook with me leaning over his shoulder, me on the computer with him leaning over my shoulder, only one of us on the computer and the other reading in a variable state of willingness, or me kind of wanting to write in Word but feeling guilty for stealing away the one source of entertainment in the house to do it (as we have no TV). So this is probably a better system, I think.

I have been in a weird, annoyed mood for the past three days. Just constantly peevishly irritated with everyone and anyone for no good reason. I'm usually pretty good at figuring out what's bothering me but this seems to be...I don't know, hormonal, or something, just an ambient bad-moodness that has been hanging around. I'm hoping it will pass.

I have been eating a lot of meat lately. Is good. Rar rar wild woman needs her protein apparently.\

Kitties are enjoying the new epic cat tower. Winston sits on the very top and pretends he's Sauruman.

I've been puttering around the world for a while now and I'm curious about the way society, and especially women who identify themselves and 'feminist' and / or 'liberated' tend to trump sex about like its the end all be all of everything. As if you aren't having explosive orgasms with both men and women you're some poor prude who needs her boundaries challenged by vibrators and leather and sex with people you barely know.

I like sex as much as the next person. It's nice. I dig it. But the vast majority of the time I would rather read or play with my cats. I'm not constantly in the mood or on the prowl, and I think that's ok. I haven't done a while lot of sexual exploring into kink or bdsm or lesbianism, however, that isn't due to prudishness or having blinders on...it just doesn't interest me. That's right. I'm not interested in stretching my sexual boundaries. I'm pretty happy with what they are, thanks. I'm all for you trying  but leave me out of it.

I think maybe it's just living in a place that is so liberal and in-your-face about all kinds of sex. I'm pleased that I live in a place where those things can be expressed and I have no problem with people expressing themselves. But when people treat sex as the end-all-be-all of existence and define themselves entirely by it, it bothers me. Because it feels fake, and like yet another thing to hide behind. Maybe if you're the tri-sexual queer genderfreak leather queen, and ONLY that, and have to bring it into EVERY conversation, no one will notice you're actually pretty boring.

Then again I am a pretty run of the mill straight lady. I haven't been on the side of the equation of the societally sexually oppressed (well...aside from being female, period). Maybe there's it's just a form of  backlash against the traditional attitudes about sex. That's fine, and probably needed. But it would be nice to make some room for us vanilla folks, who'd just like to stay happily vanilla without being called blinkered or prudish.

Maybe someday vanilla will be the new fetish.

It's almost 4 am and the whole house is asleep save me. Sweet husband snuggled under the covers in his usual L-formation. Nelson sleeping on the plush bathrobe at the end of the bed for the first time in ages, since the new kitties. I missed him. Winston is sleeping in the floor in the living room and Maggie is conked out on the quilt I knitted. All is sweet and calm and peaceful and I'm burning a cinnamon scented candle.

I've been working a lot with dreams lately, and read about a technique wherein you ask your unconscious mind a question, over and over, until you fall asleep. I'm still struggling with finding the motivation to write, or letting myself write, or something, so I decided to ask that question and took a little nap.

The dream was disjointed and I don't remember a lot of it. I was in my living room and Allen was sitting across from me reading. I was at the computer sending a message back to a friend in London. The message wasn't written, though, it was in the form of 3-D modeling project similair to the ones I used to do in Second Life. There was an open book, over which a had constructed a clear book-shaped shell - like thing to display it in. On top of the book were a few cricket-like bee bugs. They were dead, and I was arranging them in some shape...I became aware that they were cooked, like the deep fried grasshoppers I ate in Mexico, and I ate a few. Some of them bugs I left whole, and some I edited parts out with a drag and drop eraser tool.

Over all I have a book stuck on one page, covered by a plastic case, covered in dead, edible, partly erased bugs. I'm finding the images of deadness and stagnation a little alarming. I hadn't thought of my writing, or my blocked writing, that way, though I guess it makes sense. Now I have to figure out what to do with this information. Interesting dream technique though, I'm really surprised it worked on the first try like that.

Here's a link to the dream interpretation book I am working with, it's quite remarkable.

www.amazon.com/Radical-Dreaming-Your-Dreams-Change/dp/0806524952/ref=sr_1_1

In other news I am really enjoying the cold weather, fall trees, wonderful husband, funny kittens, netflix, and upcoming holidays. Everything is peaceful and I am interested in adding more pumpkin to my diet. I'm still seeking a job but my resume is a sad, sad thing. I have a friend who is looking it over at the moment, maybe that will help. I just want a simple job until I go back to school.

:-) Hey, thanks for coming. Please friend me! .

So far this has been an exceptionally lovely morning. I woke up at a human hour (9:30!) sat around with kitties and coffee and reddit and rain. I have my first writing class this evening, and this afternoon I have a job interview for a sushi chef position, which is cool. It's something I've always wanted to do and they'll train me. It's not a long term career choice but I think I'm going to hold off on the art therapy masters until 2011, as the school suggested. Everything in my life has been such a bumrush for the past three years. I'm ready to just work, love on my husband, pet on my cats, write and paint for a while.

Hooray for the rain! Tons upon tons of water nourishing the Earth! Maybe I'll be sick of it in six months, but I don't see how. Growing up in Arizona makes rain special.